Dear Je,
Over the years, you have spoken consistently and thoughtfully about human relationships. Among your many talks, I remember two videos devoted entirely to family relationships. As I have reflected on them, I feel that your perspective rests on two fundamental principles: respecting the individuality of each person and allowing every individual the freedom to grow independently.
Your view is neither against family nor dismissive of relationships. Instead, you place them in their proper context. You have often said that neither family nor personal relationships should become obstacles to an individual’s spiritual quest or intellectual journey. Every human being has an inner calling—to seek truth, wisdom, and self-realization—and that search must remain free. A family should nurture that search, not imprison it. Love should never become possession, and affection should never become a reason to deny another person’s growth.
You have also suggested that, however precious family and relationships may be, they ultimately stand below the higher pursuits of knowledge and spirituality. Family exists to enrich life, but it should not replace life’s deepest purpose. Intellectual inquiry and spiritual awakening are what give lasting meaning to human existence, and relationships attain their fullest value only when they support, rather than obstruct, those pursuits.
When I first heard these ideas years ago, I understood them only intellectually. They sounded convincing, but they did not become part of my lived experience. It has taken me nearly sixty years of life—with its joys, disappointments, attachments, and conflicts—to truly grasp what you meant. Only now do I realize how often we mistake attachment for love, dependence for intimacy, and obligation for responsibility. Only now do I understand that genuine love allows another person the freedom to become fully themselves.
There are certain truths that cannot be learned from books or accepted merely because they are logically sound. They have to be ripened by experience before they reveal their full meaning. This, for me, has been one such truth.
Thank you for helping me arrive at this understanding, even if it took me six decades to truly appreciate it.
