I am the mother of two daughters who are nearing the age of twenty. I used to think that I was still the one raising them, but only now have I started to grow myself. That ‘now’ has been for the past two years.
It has only been two years since I started reading your work and attending the classes you organize.
Recently, at a book launch event, you said a phrase: ‘Learn to disown the children after a certain stage.’
I have also been trying this for a few months. I would like some words of guidance from you to help me do it better and to improve the relationship between me and my daughters. I will take it as advice.
Nirmala
Dear Nirmala
We have long cherished the virtue of sacrifice. We have been taught that living for others is the best way of life.
That is true on a worldly level. All relationships can be built on sacrifices, just like a mother lives for her children. Giving is what creates a strong relationship, while taking and constantly measuring what one receives can destroy relationships.
Let us consider this as being based on the ‘artha’ (worldly) level. There exists something called the ‘paramarthika’ (spiritual) level, which goes beyond this. In that, there is an element of self-centeredness.
One must seek one’s own intellectual fulfillment and spiritual completeness by oneself. On that path, there is no true companion. The words of those who have walked it before serve only as guiding echoes.
There, we must go beyond ourselves. In renouncing our worldly attachments, we must also let go of the relationships that are part of it. We cannot take responsibility for anyone. It is, in a way, a form of self-centeredness.
(There is also something called selfless public service. But since it is a path towards one’s own spiritual fulfillment, it indirectly contains self-interest.)
I am not speaking of complete renunciation; that is not easy to achieve. It is only the extent of detachment we need, as much as is necessary and as much as we are capable of, from worldly ties.
Jeyamohan
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Translated by : Geethaa Senthilkumar
(Original article)
துறத்தல்
