Dear Je
I am currently sinking in deep sorrow, trying hard to come out of it. My only child, an 8-month-old son, passed away 9 days ago due to health complications. He was the child I had at the age of 35. This immense grief has surrounded me and I am overwhelmed.
I have read almost all of your books, except for a few short story collections. I have read Venmurasu up to “Kuruticharal.” As any ardent Jeyamohan reader, I also have a fair understanding of life and fate. I am not the one to get easily carried away by fleeting emotions. Having understood what my true self is, and walking in its path, I have experienced the contentment and happiness it brings. As a result, I have not grown weary of worldly issues.
I don’t remember mourning over anything in the past seven or eight years. I have held onto your words and risen above everything. However, I have not been able to overcome the death of my son. As soon as I close my eyes, the pure smile of my child appears before me. Being unable to sleep, and having no habit of drinking alcohol, I have started wondering if I should drink sometimes. My entire life seems to have lost its meaning. Even though I try to pass through it, thinking it is our fate, I cannot move past the moment when I carried my son’s lifeless body from the hospital to our home. It is a pain that cannot be expressed in words. When I think about how that tiny body must have endured such suffering, my stomach churns with grief.
“Today’s sorrow may become tomorrow’s happiness. There may be some purpose we cannot understand. When the body hurts, we sleep with the belief that it will get better. In the same way, embrace today’s sorrow.”
I keep telling myself your words.Yet, I struggle immensely.
After that fateful day, only today I stepped outside. I had planted and tended five Jamun trees by the roadside in the village. I had been a little disappointed as they hadn’t sprouted for six months. However, in this one week when I hadn’t stepped outside, all five had suddenly sprouted at the same time. Seeing that, a smile rose in my heart. At that moment, what you had said about the ‘growth of tender leaves’ came to my mind.
At that moment, I wondered what word would emerge from you, if I asked for guidance. Because, as far as I know, I am the only one in this village of 500 houses who reads anything. Therefore, there is no use in asking anyone else. For me, for only me, please offer a word of wisdom or advice to move from this pain.
When he was born, both families individually had his horoscope read at different places, and it was said that he is destined to have a long life span. Even now, when he was in the hospital, when my mother asked, it was told that his life was not in danger and that he would live long. However…
I don’t have much faith in astrology. I only think about it after my loss now. According to the scriptures, if a long life is predicted, how can death occur? What will happen to the predictions about his long life and future? Even if a long life is destined, can death happen like this? How will the fate of that long life be reconciled? Questions like these are now clouding my mind.
With love
S
Dear S,
I received your letter. There are some things for which we have no explanation. If the puzzles of life could be fully understood through simple answers, then why would there be so much literature, philosophy, and spirituality? These have even confounded many great sages.
Generally, astrologers cannot definitively predict lifespan based on a horoscope. They might point out certain dangers, if present. Astrology cannot guarantee a long life. However, if there are no negative indications, it is a common practice for astrologers to say “long life” to please the parents. That’s all there is to it.
I will not try to diminish or underestimate your grief in any way. I understand that such grief is often felt more intensely by those who are reflective and imaginative. I have the same consoling words that everyone tells everyone during such a distress period. Let time pass. That is the way of life. For now, the only thing humans can do is to somehow navigate through time.
There is a worldly wisdom. I have heard it from my ancestors. This advice has been here for a long time. The death of one child can only be compensated by the birth of another child. One child can never be equated to another. However, by tending to another child, we can find fulfillment.
I would say, bear another child as soon as possible, by any means. If it’s completely impossible, then even adopting one is fine. I have said this to some people in the past. They refused, thinking that having another child would mean forgetting the one who passed away. But today, after having two children, they have realized that showing love to these children is fulfilling the debt to the child who is no longer with them.
May you be well. May happiness and fulfillment come your way.
Jeyamohan
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Translated by : Geethaa Senthilkumar
(Original article)
துயரில் மலர்தல்
