Dear Je
As I mentioned at the book fair, I am unable to attend the yoga camp for women this time due to family issues. It is very difficult for women to leave their families, and we are stuck in that situation. Can you tell me when the next event will be?
S. Meenatchi Sathyanathan
Dear Meenatchi,
At different moments, women tell me this. I generally listen with a sympathetic smile because discussing it further would feel intrusive, as if probing into their personal matters. It would be an overstep.
Once, in a moment of irritation, I asked a woman, “There is an important event at your parental home. If your husband or children don’t want you to go, would you stay back? How many times have you stayed back like that?”
She replied, “What do you mean?”
I said, “I mean, whatever is truly important to you, no one can stop you from doing it. You would go ahead with it, wouldn’t you?”
When she understood what I was trying to say, she smiled faintly and left.
The notion of family problems is something women (especially middle-aged women) adopt. It is nothing but a strategy to place the blame for their own laziness and hesitation onto others. In India, this idea quickly gains acceptance because it is already in circulation. Even when asked in a simple way, it triggers a large group to respond with a question like, “Do you know the troubles women face?”
Very rarely, some people truly have a difficult family environment. But for 99% of people, that is not the case. The real issue is that women, due to their traditional mindset, end up getting caught in a trap of their own making.
Women are often told by traditional beliefs that they are caregivers, that they don’t need freedom, and that family is their whole world. I often hear boys proudly say, “For our mother, family is her world.” The idea that family is everything is a spiritual limitation, a dark way of life. It is not something to be proud of or celebrated. It’s like saying, “We keep our mother confined and serve her food.”
Our tradition does not even advocate such a thing. In reality, except for a very few privileged women, no woman in the past led such a life. It was a life led by land-owning and priestly castes. The vast majority of women lived by working outside. However, the mindset mentioned above is now being widely spread and accepted by everyone
Therefore, most women, after marriage, create a small circle around themselves. They live and adjust within that circle. It feels safe because there are no major problems or challenges. The tasks to be done each day are simple and routine. Any form of challenges or difficulties must be faced by others, not by them
This daily routine becomes exhausting. Therefore, they get involved in highly emotional entertainment, like TV serials. TV serials are nothing but another form of the family and street dramas that were discussed in person yesterday. There, a highly negative mindset is formed. It provides a false intensity to an already draining life
However, that stagnant environment and negative mindset are harmful. There is nothing more debilitating than living a life without creativity or enthusiasm, one that is filled with negativity. Expressing oneself, taking pride in oneself, and finding joy through actions is the essence of life. When this is not achieved, the heart is filled with weariness. Many of our middle-aged women are filled with inner exhaustion.
Women express that inner exhaustion as frustration and anger towards their families. They portray the family as the cause of all the sorrows in their lives. They shed tears with great despair, claiming it as a genuine feeling. The family, in turn, reflects that irritation back to them, and as a result, the inner exhaustion grows.
A person who is exhausted is often avoided by others because the state of exhaustion is easily contagious. We don’t want anything that will make us feel drained. As a result, those with inner exhaustion become more isolated.
Inner exhaustion easily causes the body to fall ill. Various diseases weaken the body, which in turn increases the inner exhaustion. It becomes a vicious cycle. This is not a new concept. It has been recognized in yogic traditions for a long time. The term “Arathi” is used to describe this. It is the result of the dominance of the Tamo guna (the quality of darkness or inertia).
“I worked for the family and became ill. The family has isolated me.” This is a statement that women repeat again and again. Blaming the family for their illness is, in reality, an injustice. It means that the family is expected to handle all their external issues. However, because they live without understanding the outside world, the family is also held responsible for the illness that arises from this.
A person’s sorrow or happiness is often created by themselves. They are the ones who decide what they want. Most people, afraid of responsibilities and challenges, choose exhaustion / boredom. However, there is joy in self-discovery through responsibilities and challenges. In exhaustion and boredom, there is only sorrow and illness.
Guru Nithya gave an example. Out of fear of the enemy, a man locked himself in a small room and lived there for thirty years. A warrior told him, “Even if you had killed that enemy, you would have still been in prison for just twelve years.” Many of us have imposed a life sentence on ourselves.
We become accustomed to that small life. Even a slight disruption in the “routine” causes anxiety. That comfortable laziness has a firm grip on us, holding us tightly like a calf. Though at times there may be a push to break free, the ingrained laziness prevents it. “Household tasks remain undone; need to do this for the daughter; the son expects something; nothing will happen if I am not there” – the mind finds many such reasons, and the brain believes them.
Yes, it is laziness. Mental laziness, emotional laziness, and spiritual laziness. It is a kind of spiritual paralysis. Only when a sick person tries to free themselves will there be a way out. If someone expects another person to come out of exhaustion or illness, they will never come out. Only what one achieves for oneself truly belongs to them.
Jeyamohan
