Hi, sir.
Hope this finds you well.I am writing this just to vent out of my mind, not as a matter of getting published on your site or anything of that sort.
I read and write Tamil well, but I believe I can express myself in English better.
I live very close to you. Every time I cross Saradha Nagar, my heart would yearn to meet you, and it would blame me for not doing that despite living very close. But I have nothing to share with you even if I meet you.
I am in a highly demanding government job. Currently I am on my maternity leave. I have two beautiful girl children, both of them below the age of two. Now you might wonder why I am writing this and what the point is.
I am writing this to seek suggestions for balancing parenting work with my desire to know the literary world better.By nature, I love languages and writing, and I’ve been reading you for quite a few years, starting when I finished my competitive exams and secured the job.
But after the birth of my kids, I find no time (I know this is an excuse), or to better say it, finding time seems very challenging, and my body seems to doze off after all the regular work, and of late I am getting thoughts of regret of having kids because I feel I would have had the time and energy to read and write had it not been for the kids.
This thought only led me to you because I’ve read articles on parenting, and I remember you saying that the greatest joy is the joy of raising kids. Now with couples choosing to be child-free (I’ve had the thought too), I am just asking why raise kids when you can have all the free time, energy, and money for things you can do?
Nevertheless, I love my kids, but this thought has often been crossing my mind, and I suddenly felt you were the right person to ask this to.
I don’t expect a reply, though I would be much happier to get insights on this perspective of mine.
Yours
S
Dear S,
Frankly, modern culture has ensnared us in a powerful trap. One side of it is more and more complicated and demanding work culture, and the other side is ever-increasing consumerism. So there are no easy solutions for this problem. The solution is to correct the entire global culture, and it is not an immediate dream. Therefore, we can only make minor adjustments in our lives and seek out small spaces where we can discover our true selves.
Today management jobs are becoming more and more task-oriented and challenging. We cannot completely shun away from that toxic work atmosphere. But we can do one thing: we shall not develop our own high ambitions of success. We should not develop a competitive mood and psychological problems related to it. We should develop an inner distance with our jobs. We have to develop the idea that our job is not our identity or personality; it is just our way of living, nothing more.
I can’t advise others because I am not a professional consultant. I can say what I am doing in this situation and how it is useful to me. I am also working in a highly demanding field. Additionally, the high pay contributes to our indebtedness and dependence. But I am somehow managing my time and doing everything I want to do.
My method involves setting aside a specific time for each task and never altering it. I won’t attend any calls from the film field while I am writing something. I never mix my family time with other work. Although these time slots are quite limited, consistently dedicating a small amount of time over an extended period proves to be sufficient. For instance, dedicating just one hour daily to your family can foster a great family life. I used to read a philosophy book just 30 minutes every day for more than 30 years, and I have read more than a hundred important books till now.
Finding appropriate time is also important. You must set a morning time to write or read creatively. The next thing is avoiding unnecessary work and tasks. I never do any management work or other mundane practical work. I find appropriate persons to do it. Thus, I am running an educational institution, a literary movement, along with my film works. The last and final point is to limit our own consumerism; I have never developed any ambition to buy anything, nor have I ever chased mundane dreams.
I have to say something about women. Anywhere in the world, now motherhood is a big obstacle for developing a career and pursuing an intellectual or spiritual quest. It is highly addictive and tiresome at the same time. But, anyway, women have to pay that price.
But, generally, after a few years of initial struggle, women are freeing themselves from it. Typically, this process takes ten years. But the woman must strive to achieve that self-liberation after that time period. She must be clear about her tasks and quests; she must make it clear to others about her ambitions and be strong on her plans.
Generally, women achieve outstanding things after the age of 35, and they can continue for a long time, more than men. Experiencing a sense of imprisonment and depression during the early stages of motherhood is common for women, but it is also a period of growth and development. You are learning subtle things and enhancing your personality. One thing you must do is never lose touch with your intellectual and spiritual quest. You must have your own personal space intact.
The problem with the human mind is if we lose something gradually, it becomes big in our mind, and we develop a sense of loss gradually. So we should not miss any basic things in our lives, particularly children, family, and relations. We must find a balance for everything. I know it is not as easy as we imagine, but we have to do this anyway.
Jeyamohan
