Dear J,
I’m taking philosophy and yoga classes at Unified Wisdom. The training course has now become a part of my life. At the age of 35, my life began to seem somewhat meaningless.
When I conveyed it to you through a letter, you wrote that ‘no woman of sense and intelligence can live for their children’. It was a big shock to me. People have told me that a woman should live and sacrifice for her children. I believed the same. Life was going to be like that. That single line alone showed me that it was my problem.
Everyone praises motherhood. People often describe mothers as the embodiment of sacrifice. That’s all right, but I don’t feel like I’m just a mother. That was what left me unsatisfied. That line liberated me. Living to my satisfaction created the feeling that there was more life for me. Eventually, a mother becomes merely a symbol for children. Despite being a crucial part of their identity, they don’t need a mother figure.
If a mother does not live for herself, she must be begging her children and husband to respect her. She should beg for their time and attention. She should maintain a reasonable distance to avoid humiliation and hurt. I had that life. That line helped overcome that. This ‘mother template’ compels women to sacrifice their lives. In the end, nothing remains for a simple mother. Only her life is lost.
When I joined the training classes, I felt like I had my own place and circle. I’ve discovered a new field of knowledge. I figured out what I could do with it. It was stuttering at first. It’s been a long break. I couldn’t learn anything new. But little by little, that door started to open. That happiness is what makes my life meaningful.
However, our dependents find our lives and happiness unsatisfying. They feel alienated from them. They keep saying that we are not role models anymore. They say we are not kind and loving. That emotional blackmail is the problem.We need to overcome that..
S
Dear S,
Eventually, they will understand that this is a small thing. Any change creates a slight disruption in everyday life. Despite your assurances that the shift won’t cause major losses, most people can’t handle it at first. Make sure they know you still love them, and offer your time. Often, women tend to exaggerate their excitement, which can instill fear in others.
While we follow our own pursuit of happiness and wisdom, we should instill in others the mindset that our love for them will remain unwavering. Simultaneously, we must assert our refusal to let others dictate our lives.
A life characterised by coercion often results in depression and subsequent violence. A life of natural detachment is ideal.
Jeyamohan
